Christmas

Oh how much i hate Christmas.. Christmas reminds me of how alone i am. How i have no family here and no connection to my family. I fucking hate Christmas. all the music and the "commericalness" of it just makes me sick. If Christmas was celebrate still because of Jesus i would understand but it isn't and it just makes me sick.
but.... this year, for the first time Jordan and I have been together, we are not going to Nelson for christmas! So we decided to buy a christmas tree, and since it was my first christmas, jordan let me pick out all the decorations for the tree.. and i have to say.. I'm pretty good at it! lol Even though the ornaments on the christmas tree are suppose to signify something but seriously.. do i sound like i have ornaments stashed from the past years.. no.. so i bought cheap ones from zellers!!! lol
For christmas this year, Jordan and I decided to do stockings (thanks to Holly's suggestion). We both are pretty poor and feel that it's un-necessary to spend so much money on each other like we have in the past. our 3 year anniversary was on Sunday the 16, we also decided to not give each other anything but just to spend time with each other and save the money for christmas. Ironically though, jordan has finished christmas shopping for me and I am almost finished and we still don't have stockings!!! lol So i guess really we aren't doing stockings... we're just spending less on each other.. lol maybe next year we will actually get stockings!! Although Jordan did spend around $200 on me (which he wasn't suppose to but it still better then in the past), i still feel it's too much. How much do you guys normally spend for your signaficant other around christmas? Next year I definitely want to make the budget smaller and more crafts. I was too busy and sick this year to make everyone something. Even though i said this last christmas, this year I am really going to try make christmas gifts... so to help me.. can everyone make a christmas list in july!!!! lol oh how much i hate christmas.... i hate all of this thinking and i hate people asking me why do you hate christmas, why do you hate christmas.. BAH it's none of your fucking business.. yes i am grumpy and i am the "grinch" but how can i not be when people are so rude. I do think though, when i have a family, I will enjoy christmas more... I don't want my kids to turn out like me.. all bitter and such.. lol
So to sum it up. i still hate christmas but had fun decorting the tree.. HAHAHA oh life.. the good and the bad.. the cons and the pros.. i suppose we just take from it what we need and move on..